The Hillwalkers' Lexicon

Here is the official definition of hillwalking and scrambling terms, to translate the often confusing and incomprehensible waffle that flows from the mouths of the hillwalkers.

Author: Sarah Hammond (and others).

"It's hard work, this"
This is absolutely knackering.
"I haven't been hillwalking/scrambling for a while"
This is more knackering/frightening than I remember. Should have stayed at home.
"I've found a stream to fill up my water bottle"
I've fallen into the stream/river/tarn.
"This scramble is a bit damp"
There is a small waterfall flowing down the scramble; all the handholds are wet and it's scary.
"It's a bit damp"
It's chucking it down with rain and I'm absolutely soaked.
"This route is a bit interesting"
This is very scary and I'm very scared.
"I want my mum"
Actually, I don't want my mum, because she would be more frightened than I am, more stuck, and fuming that I was doing this anyway. But I do want some help, sympathy and advice.
"I want a double whisky"
I am scared; I want something to calm my nerves. When does the scary bit end?
"Strenuously uphill"
I need an hour's sleep at the top.
"My feet hurt"
I have huge blisters all over my feet, and my heels are glowing so red that they could supply the National Grid for a week.
"What a good view!"
The mist has suddenly cleared; we can see where we are - and there's a huge drop in front of us.