calamitous clompings and casualties

I had to really reach for that third 'c' word in the title there. After not too much convincing, I persuaded my friend Jake to come on this trip to do some activities not necessarily endorsed by the Sports Service -- the fourth mysterious 'c' word that will remain redacted for the rest of this article. The very same word that hooked Matthew who now leads E1!

Anyway, here is a rundown of what happened on the most brilliant and tragic weekend out in Llanberis Ogwen Valley. Yeah... I booked the bunkhouse in Llanberis, expecting to spend a weekend in the Snowdon Range -- I had planned out both days well in advance -- but instead we ended up spending way too much time driving up and down the A5 looking for parking spots. Such is life.

so, here goes:

SATURDAY

1. THE CAR

• it was a bit late by the time we got to llyn ogwen

• drove all the way to ogwen cottage -- completely packed

• drove back to capel -- had no luck there either

• tried llyn ogwen again -- no luck -- back we go again

• try our luck at a campsite near caseg -- bingo! they let us park in the middle of the carpark after ascertaining we were "real ones" and not here for the 'gram

• right on cue three other cars copy us

• it's like ten thirty at this point...

2. THE APPROACH

• instead of taking the road we take the path that runs just left of the fence

• "have you been this way before" "no" "the road would have been quicker" "yeah probably"

• I get hit in face by rebounding spiky tree (more rebound than anticipated)

• up the north ridge path and cross the first stile we see to get on the approach to milestone buttress

• jake is very fast on this chossy boulder-y shit

• "probably would go lower" he says

• "ok" -- I step down and clearly haven't thought about my next step - so I tumble down to the right

• jake looks back and jess is in a hole

• I think I'm okay a bit bruised and my index finger hurts a little and is swelling up

• ah well it doesn't hurt that much and surely I can't bail now

3. THE NUT

• fast forward one pitch

• I can kind of still ***** with this finger

• I clean out a nut and clip the quickdraw to my harness

• oops there is no longer a nut on the quickdraw

• ah fuck

• jake abseils to retrieve the fallen nut

• I am dying of embarrassment

4. THE BANANA

• one pitch later there is a chimney

• Saffron looks at the chimney for a very long time -- "I don't understand -- do you want to have a go"

• "okay" and knee bar my way up. a little bit of crab action at the end

• at the top Saffron pulls out a banana from the outside pocket of her pack

• it is squashed to oblivion. RIP banana

• "you can eat that" "do you want it" "no thank you"

• the contents of the banana is squished out onto the grass

5. THE FAMILY

• at the bottom of north ridge, about half three

• approached by a family of like eight looking like they are out for an afternoon stroll

• "excuse me, how long does it take to get to the top"

• "the top of what"

• gesturing vaguely towards tryfan

• "uhhh like three hours -- route finding can be a bit tricky"

• thankfully they decide against it

6. THE CHOPPER

• at tryfan fach. belaying Jake

• chopper at the top of tryfan (yes I'm distracted)

• chopper flies back to MR base and hovers for a half hour

• chopper flies to the top of tryfan again

7. THE NUT, PART TWO

• following saffron

• struggling with nut key

• the rope is pulled taut and the nut pops out

• not great but great for me!

• unclip the quickdraw from my rope and clip it to my harness

• the nut is gone

• ahh fuuuuuuuu-

• I swear I have learned my lesson

8. THE ABSEIL

• saffron's first time abseiling

• the angle down tryfan fach is too shallow and any attempt at throwing the ropes down is unsuccessful

• a bit of rope above saffron gets caught on a rock

• saffron is stuck

• jake sets up a friction hitch and down*****s to free the ropes

• he can move like 20 cm at a time - there is a too much friction

• "do as I say, not as I do"

• we think saffron gets to the bottom -- we can't see her -- I swear I hear "off belay"

• kind of an odd thing to shout but okay -- I try to set up

• "why is this rope so heavy" -- each pulling with our bodyweight

• "you need to give her some slack!" shouts the woman on a line next to us

• "what slack?"

• turns out saffron is not off the system

• she managed to reach a ledge, unclip and walk off, but leaves a tangle of biners and cord on the ropes

• I tie in and start moving down, but there is so much friction -- I swap my prusik for an autoblock

• there is still so much friction -- I realise my extension sling is wrapped twice around the rope and the biner gate is on the wrong side so my autoblock can barely move

• I can move maybe 5 cm at a time, but ah well I can't be bothered to go back up

• "the last two gear placements are not great" says the man leading the line next to us. "just place better gear" says the woman "can't believe I'm *****ing eight pitches with you tomorrow"

• longest abseil of my life

SUNDAY

9. THE CORNER

• on heather terrace, at the bottom of north buttress

• the corner looks quite vertical, and though textured, quite intimidating

• jake, halfway up: "can't see where to put gear and I don't want to take a whipper on this unprotected stretch"

• alex and I look at each other -- we are each belaying on half ropes

• if jake whips we are smashing into each other, then into the wall

• jake calls this trauma bonding

• he thankfully finds a deep cam placement and makes it to the top of the pitch

• alex, halfway up, hesitating: "do you think we can go down after this bit"

• btw alex *****s way harder than me -- I remain strangely optimistic

• I sort of awkwardly shuffle my shoulder up the corner

• in the process rip a sizeable hole in my down jacket, which I have only been wearing for maybe ten minutes

• glyderau: 2; jacket: 0

10. THE WAIT

• finally get convinced to call 111 about my finger -- back in cambridge and it is 11pm

• "is there anyone in your residence who can drive you to the hospital?" "can I just go to minor injuries tomorrow morning?" "no you should really go in the next four hours"

• "dan, odd request at an odd hour, can you drive me to addenbrookes"

• am triaged and x-ray done in ten minutes

• at half midnight the waiting time for appointment is 2.5 hrs

• still waiting seven hours later

• at eight they ship me to minor injuries -- for fuck's sake -- I could have slept in that time

• I have fractured my finger :-) but it is quite minor and two weeks on it's doing quite well!

~fin~